Elrond's Rules
by Elf With Redbull
Summary: A parody of Gibbs' rules. Elrond's rules, what happens when they are broken, and why they exist in the first place. No NCIS knowledge really needed, but it does help.
1. Elrond's Rules

**Elrond's Rules:**

#1: Never screw over Thranduil.

#2: Always were robes at a party.

#3:Don't believe what you're told (by twin half-elves). Always check for yourself.

#4: The best way to keep a secret is to keep it to yourself. Second best? Tell one other person. If all else fails, tell Galadriel.

#5: Don't waste wine.

#6: Never decline to a sparring match or drinking contest — Its a sign of weakness.

#7: Always be specific when you tell your sons how to do _anything_.

#8: Never take anything for granted.

#9: Never go anywhere without a boot dagger.

#10: Never get personally involved in a debate.

#11: When the job is done, walk away.

#12: Never date a coworker.

#13: Never ever involve nazgûl.

#15: Always work as a team.

#16: If someone thinks they have the upper hand, break it.

#18: Its better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.

#22: Never EVER bother Elrond during interrogation.

#23: Never mess with an Elf's wine. If you want to live.

#27: There's two ways to follow: They never notice you. Or they only notice you.

#35: Always watch the watchers.

#36: If you think you're being played, you probably are.

#38: Your case, your lead.

#39: There's no such thing as a coincidence.

#40: If it seems someone's out to get you, they are.

#42: Don't ever accept an apology from an orc.

#44: First things first, hide the women and children.

#45: Clean up your mess.

#51: Sometimes you're wrong.

#69: Never trust a Sinda who doesn't trust a Noldo.


	2. 1-3

**Elrond's** **Rules:**

* * *

#1: Never screw over Thranduil.

Elrond walked into his study, sighing as he dropped the large stack of letters down on his desk with a thud. He sat down and resisted the urge to repeatedly bang his head on it and scream. He settled for glaring at the pile of mail he was going to have to go through as he picked up the first one.

"Junk. Junk. Junk. Letter from Sauron-How did he get this address ? Junk. Oh, wait here's one from Thranduil."

Elrond hurriedly opened the letter to see why the King of Mirkwood had written. It was a rare occurrence to receive a letter from Thranduil.

His face turned into an expression of utter horror as he proceeded to read it.

_Dearest Elrond,_

_I have decided to thank you for putting me in my place last month and addressing me on how much wine one should be able to drink while not becoming intoxicated. Now, I have finally decided on a proper way to repay your kindness. I will send you send you my son to keep you, the Twins, and Arwen company. He will be staying with you for a few weeks (months) and I'm sure will not be any trouble at all (if you don't count dying your and Erestor's hair purple after turning it grey with worry when he nearly gets himself killed by falling out of a tree and being savagely attacked by orcs)._

_Cordially,_

_Thranduil_

Elrond screamed.

* * *

#2: Always were robes at a party. There will be consequences.

"Glorfindel, don't you do this to me!" Erestor shouted as the banged on his fellow advisor and longtime friend's (who at the moment was more of a "friend") door.

"Yes I will!" Glorfindel yelled back, shoving a heavy piece of furniture against the door he had already locked and bolted.

It was the day of the Mid-Summer festival in Imladris, and Glorfindel was refusing to put on his robes for the special event. He was currently wearing black leggings and a burgundy tunic.

"Open the door now and stop acting like an elfling!" Erestor demanded, still pounding on the door.

"I'm not!" replied Glorfindel as he silently slid open his window.

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

Silence.

"GLORFINDEL! You better come out right this instant or I'll tell Elrond!"

Silence.

"Glorfindel?"

He heard a muffled thunk that sounded suspiciously like an elf who had landed on the ground after escaping through a third story window.

Erestor turned and ran towards the nearest door, not caring how strange he looked. He sprinted around a corner and ran straight into Elrond, causing them both to fall to the ground.

"IT'S ALL GLORFINDEL'S FAULT!" he shouted without thinking.

"What?" Elrond asked, being both extremely confused and annoyed.

"It's his fault! I was chasing him, then he jumped out a window!"

"Why were you chasing Glorfindel?" a perplexed Elrond replied with a raised eyebrow.

"He's not wearing his robes," Erestor stated matter-of-factly.

"WHAT!" Elrond yelled as he scrambled up off the floor, dragged up his advisor and proceeded to give chase, his original task completely forgotten.

* * *

#3:Don't believe what you're told (by twin half-elves). Always check for yourself.

"ADA!" two identical voices screamed as the 9 year old (equiv.) twin sons of Elrond burst into the room.

Elrond turned to them with a look of surprise on his face.

"The house is on fire!" they shouted as they proceeded to drag him up and out of the room.

"What?"

"The. House. Is. On. Fire."

"Where?" he asked.

There had been absolutely no indication what so ever of any kind of fire.

"In the kitchens!" they replied as they continued to drag him down the hallway and out the door. "We have to get everyone out!"

Elrond was still skeptical. He stood up and looked at the place where he had just been ruthlessly dragged from. He walked back up the steps, wondering if there was an actual fire.

As he made his was to the kitchens, he realized there actually WAS smoke. He flung open the kitchen door and saw that there WAS a fire. One of the cooks had left some bread in the oven too long and it was now almost charcoal.

False alarm.

* * *

[More?]


	3. 4-6

[Here we go again!]

* * *

#4: The best way to keep a secret is to keep it to yourself. Second best? Tell one other person. If all else fails, tell Galadriel.

Erestor stared at the door in front of him, preparing to face certain doom.

'Maybe I shouldn't do this...' he thought to himself.

Erestor turned to walk away, but then paused and turned back to the door. He knocked before he could second guess his decision.

"What?!" came the answer from a rather irritated blonde warrior.

"It's me, Glorfindel," he replied resisting an eye roll. "Can I come in?"

"Fine."

Erestor reached for the handle and hesitated again. 'It will be better the sooner I get this over with.' He opened the door to find a very bored Glorfindel sprawled out on his back in the middle of the floor.

Glorfindel raised an eyebrow.

"And are you here to relieve me of my boredom?"

"No."

Glorfindel raised his other eyebrow asking him to continue.

"Isleptwithyourwife."

Erestor expected for Glorfindel to have a sword at his throat by now, but Glorfindel was laying on the ground chuckling in a less than comforting manner.

He continued to do this with a huge grin on his face until he was interrupted by an angry Erestor.

"SPILL! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" he shouted.

"I'm not married." Glorfindel stated with a huge grin on his face.

"Y-you what?!"

"My wife sailed in the first age."

"What!?"

"I. Don't. HAVE. A. Wife."

Erestor's jaw dropped.

'I'VE KNOWN HIM FOR MILLENNIA!' he thought.

"Valar how could I be this stupid!?" he shouted.

He turned and exited the room slamming the door shut. After hesitating for a moment, he turned around opened the door and chunked a pillow at a hysterical Glorfindel's face, and slammed the door again.

'Wait-who was the mysterious red headed ellith?'

[Think I got that one wrong...]

* * *

#5: Don't waste wine.

Glorfindel giggled as he opened another bottle of wine and poured (most of it) into two cups.

His opponent and friend, Erestor, did the same as he picked up one of the cups, clinked it with Glorfindel's and downed it in one gulp.

Glorfindel drank his and proceeded to talk about how Elrond shouldn't wear purple eyeliner with a grey dress.

They were having a drinking game, and judging from the last comment, they had been at it for a while. They each downed two more glasses when the door to Glorfindel's balcony suddenly burst open.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS GOOD DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" demanded ...Elrond.

Glorfindel and Erestor giggled like little elflings and rolled around on the floor. After a few minutes, they finally got up.

"Why are you playing childish drinking games?! Why are you using my BEST wine?!" Elrond demanded.

The two advisors glances at eachother then began giggling and rolling around on the floor all over again.

"Go jump off a cliff," a furious Elrond grumbled as he walked back inside, determined to get as far away from these idiots as he possibly could.

The two idiots looked at each other and shared a look that clearly said, "Lets do this!"

Elrond had said the wrong thing. The very wrong thing.

* * *

#6: Never decline to a sparring match or drinking contest — Its a sign of weakness.

"But it will be fun!" insisted Glorfindel, trying to persuade Elrond to spar with him.

"No. I, unlike you, actually have things that I need to do."

"Pleeeeeese?" Glorfindel begged.

"No."

"Fine then."

* * *

Elrond woke up and looked out the window. It was a beautiful day.

He got up and went to go get dressed and plait his hair. Elrond walked up to the mirror and shrieked at what he saw.

His hair was purple.

* * *

"Hey Fin, looks like Elrond found your little surprise." Erestor said after hearing a feminine shriek. "Never, EVER, decline a sparring match."

* * *

[More?]


	4. 7-9

#7: Always be specific when you tell your sons how to do _anything_.

"Go through this stack, then give it to me when you're done? Any questions?" Elrond asked his twin sons handing them a pile of papers.

It had been like this ever since Erestor had went to Lothlorien. Papers, papers, and LOOK! More papers! He was happy for anyone to help him shorten the huge stack that was still resting on his desk.

-(~)-

"So were supposed to go through it?" Elladan asked.

"Yeah, just look through everything I guess, pick out anything important," replied Elrohir, handing half the stack to his brother.

They both plopped down on the floor of their room and proceeded to flip through the papers.

Fifteen minutes later they were finished and had only found one thing that looked really important.

"So I guess we just give them back?" one of them asked.

"I guess so," the other replied.

The sons of Elrond got up off the floor and picked up their pile of papers, and proceeded to walk to their father's study.

"Adar! We're done!"

No response.

Elladan shrugged and turned the knob.

"Must've went for tea," concluded Elrohir as he plopped the stack on a sort of empty spot on the desk.

Elladan though for a minute and scribbled a note of explanation.

_Adar, we are finished looking through the papers. The one on top seemed to be important so we took it out. We were planning a hunting trip later, so we will be back in a few hours._

_-El and El_

-(~)-

Elrond had finished reading the note and sighed in exasperation. He had meant for them to DO the work, not look at it! Did his sons have any common sense what so ever? Nope.

* * *

#8: Never take anything for granted.

Elrond sighed as he sat down at his desk, the ever large stack of paperwork looming before him.

'I REALLY wish Erestor was here.' he thought as he began reading the first piece of parchment.

Erestor has finally taken a vacation, leaving Elrond to do twice as much paperwork as normal. He would have normally given the task to Glorfindel, but he was already busy and frankly decided that paperwork of any kind was worse than Morgoth himself. His second option was to draft Elladan and Elrohir, but he was unwilling to repeat that happened halts time. Elrond would kill to have his trusted advisor and faithful friend now for leaving him to sort out this mess.

Elrond only realized how much of a help he was when he was gone...and he was left to this cruel and irregular torture.

'How can he even stand this in the first place?'

* * *

#9: Never go anywhere without a boot dagger.

The orc swung his scimitar at him. He ducked and spun, barely avoiding the deadly blow.

Elrond had gotten himself into a rather sticky situation and was currently was surrounded by three orcs who were intent on trying to kill him.

One of the said assailants aimed another blow at him, but he parried it and the orc died with a sword through the heart.

Elrond cursed as he tried to remove the sword from the orc's armor, but it was stuck. He kicked the corpse and finally managed to extract the blade.

Elrond turned just in time to see one of the remaining two orcs charging him with his weapon raised. He brought up his sword to block the blow, but was knocked to the ground and let go of his sword.

The orcs moved in for the kill, but Elrond reached into his boot and grabbed his dagger. He was no longer unarmed. He weighed his options and flicked the knife at the orc, killing it.

Elrond got up, retrieved his sword and then made quick work of the other orc.

Always carry a knife.

* * *

[Well, these were different than the other ones...a little more...ya know...]


	5. 10-12

#10: Never get personally involved in a debate.

"These robes are fine!" Glorfindel snapped at Erestor.

Elrond, Glorfindel, Erestor, Lindir, and some other various elves were having a meeting with officials from a nearby human settlement discussing trade negotiations. Well, they were discussing trade negotiations. The meeting had gotten out of hand with a comment from Erestor about Glorfindel's robes. His robes. Glorfindel was wearing his standard blue and white ones, but Erestor had insisted that he wear navy, the color of Imladris' banner.

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"SHUT UP!" Elrond finally gave up and yelled before this could get out of hand. The last time those idiotic advisors did this, the whole meeting picked sides and had an all out arguing war.

Both of Elrond's advisors looked at him, sharing the same expression.

"Who's side are you on,?" they asked simultaneously.

'Oh...oh...no...don't you do this to me...' he thought as he backed away slowly, helplessly watching as all of the attendants of the meeting watched what was happening on the edge of their seats.

Erestor and Glorfindel united under this and walked towards Elrond in a menacing way.

"You're leaving me out of this one," he terrified Lord said. Elrond turned and bolted. No way way he going to be sucked into those two Elfling's antics.

* * *

#11: When the job is done, walk away.

"But-"

"No buts. We're done here," whispered Elrohir as he addressed his brother and gestured at the sleeping form of Celeborn on the bed.

Celeborn has just arrived a few hours ago and was exhausted from the trip. Now he was paying the price.

"It still is a good idea," groaned Elladan as he sulked towards the door.

Elladan had suggested to put oil on Celeborn's floor, but his Elrohir had insisted that it would take too long. They had already hid all of his clothes and died his hair black and coated it in sap. He would be forced to wear just leggings until, well, whenever Elrond or some other elf decided to have mercy on him.

"Come on! Before he wakes up!" hissed Elrohir, grabbing his twin's arm and pulling him towards the door.

They would have to get far, far, FAR, away fast.

* * *

#12: Never date a coworker.

"Will you go out with me?"

The words echoed in Glorfindel's head as he opened and closed his mouth like an idiot, staring at the figure in front of him.

"Well?" the figure asked raising his eyebrows and throwing his hands up in exasperation.

Glorfindel finally recovered some of his senses. Erestor had asked him to go out with him. HIM to go out with HIM.

"No. No. Freaking. Way."

Erestor snorted, "Give me one reason why not."

"I'll give you three," replied Glorfindel with an exasperated face. "A: I'm married. Or was anyways... B: Last time I checked, neither of us are gay. In either since of the word. C: Elrond's standing behind you."

Erestor turned around slowly to see a none too happy Elrond standing six inches behind him. Giving him the look. THE Look.

Erestor turned around waiting for the inevitable. Elrond reached up and slapped the back of his head.

"Rule number twelve."

* * *

[Might not be updating daily anymore...stupid school...]


	6. 13, 15

#13: Never ever involve nazgûl.

Elrond and his longtime friend Glorfindel were riding through the woods, to a place where a small band of orcs were spotted the previous day. The orcs were strangely "stealthy" and required attention from the Lord of Imladris.

"Shh," Glorfindel whispered, holding up his hand in a gesture to reign his horse.

He had heard something, he was sure of it. Wait, there it was again. It was the sound of at least two riders, and they were definitely not elves.

Elrond scrunched his eyebrows together trying to figure out who and why someone was out here. It only took a second.

The screech of a wraith wrung out across the forest. THAT was who, no WHAT, the answer was. Nazgûl.

The two Lords uncovered their ears and looked at each other with a frightened gaze. It was time to get their butts out of there.

* * *

#15: Always work as a team.

Elladan and Elrohir looked around and didn't like what they saw. They were completely surrounded by orcs. It did not look good. They were surrounded on all sides, outnumbered five to one. And nobody was helping.

"I knew this was a bad idea," commented Elladan through gritted teeth.

**_Five Minutes Earlier:_**

"Did you hear that?" Elrohir whispered at his twin.

Elladan nodded and cocked his head to hear the sound that his brother did. It was orcs. Not good. Although they were over a mile away, they were moving quickly. They would reach them very soon. Very, very soon.

"Lets move," suggested Elrohir, not wanting to engage in a large pack of orcs.

"No. Too close. We have to fight," calmly stated Elladan as he heard the sheer proximity of the enemies.

"You go behind them. I'll lure them out." That was Elrohir's plan.

Elrohir was terrible at making them, but at the current moment, neither had much of a choice.

Elrohir was standing in the middle of a clearing when the orcs burst through, seemingly fascinated with a leaf laying on the ground. As he heard the enemy approach, he looked up and drew his sword.

"Oh crap!" Elrohir swore.

There were thirty, and they did not look happy.

They attacked.

**_Present_**:

One of the twins gulped as he looked at the orc who appeared to be in charge, who was advancing on them with a knife raised. They had been disarmed, although they didn't allow more than a few of the creatures survive.

Elladan turned his head as he saw a green streak shoot out of the bushes with a blade glinting.

The remaining orcs were cut down in a matter of seconds.

"Legolas?' they both questioned. "Why are you here?"

Their butts had been saved by a Sinda..again.

* * *

[I know, I'm bad. I only opiated two rules because I have a writers block...and my alarm didn't go off yesterday... So that brings us to the point. Any ideas for number 16? Can't think of any, not one freaking idea! #16: If someone thinks they have the upper hand, break it. Help me please. Have some mercy.]


	7. 16, 18, 22

[All credit for number 16 goes to fantasychica37! Thank so much!]

* * *

#16: If someone thinks they have the upper hand, break it.

Eowyn ducked, avoiding the mace that came flying at her head, swung by none oftener than the Witch King of Angmar. She would not be defeated. Although she was clearly outgunned, she was fueled by vengeance against the man, wait, thing who killed her Uncle and King.

She side stepped as the mace was swung again and it was left imbedded in the sand. The assailant lifted the mace and swung again, catching Eowyn on the shoulder.

It was barely considered a hit, but sent her stumbling backwards. The wraith took advantage of this and advanced on her, picking her up by the neck.

The Witch King was so focused on strangling Eowyn, that he missed the small hobbit who crept up behind him and stabbed thin in the knee.

The wraith let out an angry scream, dropping his captive.

Eowyn picked up her sword and advances on the P.O. wraith.

"Are you really that stupid? No man can kill me!" the angered Witch King hissed at the guy standing in front of him.

"I'm not stupid, I am no man!" Eowyn shouted ripping off her helmet, letting her long, blonde hair fall out.

"Well, that doesn't matter," stammered the Witch King, "you're still going to to die."

"Nope!" Eowyn declared, gstabbing the cocky wraith in the face.

* * *

#18: Its better to seek forgiveness than ask permission. [Sounds borderline slash, but it is not.]

"Have you seen Elrond?" a frantic Gil-Galad to a servant who was carrying a rather high stack of linens.

"No."

Gil-Galad had been looking for Elrond for the better part of the hour and it seemed like nobody had seen him anywhere.

He walked (which was a failed attempt to remain any dignity) off to find anyone or anything locate the whereabouts of his herald.

One of Gil-Galad's advisors ran up to him and skidded to a stop after he saw the frightened expression on his face.

"The patrol you sent to take care of the orcs has returned." Pause. "Elrond is with them."

Gil-Galad swore and sprinted out to the courtyard to see the group of warriors...and Elrond. He was going to kill him.

Elrond spotted the not very happy Gil-Galad and decided that it was now or never...if he wanted to live. He walked over to the to the King, wringing his hands as he went.

"What did you think you were doing?" Gil-Galad demanded.

"Umm, about that..."

"He followed us," one of the warriors who was sent to dispose of the orcs answered. "He also saved our sorry butts."

For the first time Gil-Galad got a good look at the group. Less than half of them had returned, and those who did looked as though they had seen better days. He scanned Elrond over for any injuries, only seeing a long gash in his arm.

Letting go of all of his dignity, Gil-Galad embraced Elrond. He would never forgive himself if anything ever happened to him.

* * *

#22: Never EVER bother Elrond during interrogation.

Elrond was positively furious. He paced the room with his hands clasped behind his back, glaring at the two unfortunate elves who were facing his wrath. His sons. The two idiots had insulted a dwarven delegation that was visiting and if that wasnt enough, they pranked them.

Pranking other elves was sort of ok, but doing it to visiting parties, that only had the slightest alliance with the elves was totally insane.

"Why did you even think about doing that! Wait, do you even think?!" Elrond ranted at the two elves standing by the door. He grabbed a book. A heavy book.

"Well, really..."

"...It wasn't our fault," Elrohir said inching closer to the door behind them.

"Really? Give me one reason," demanded Elrond, having more than a little sarcasm in his voice.

"IT WAS ERESTOR'S FAULT," they shouted in unison.

It looked like Elrond would have to use the book after all. The lobbed it at both of them, but they easily ducked the poorly thrown projectile. However the person who was stupid enough to open the door, was not so lucky. Glorfindel. Needless to say, he wasn't happy.

* * *

[And that's the end...of the chapter.

Note: I have never written any Elrond and Gil-Galad or any Gil-Galad what so ever and perceived Elrond as a sort of son to Gil-Galad. Also Gil-Galad keeps auto correcting to Gil-Galadriel and its very annoying.]


	8. 23, 27, & 35

#23: Never mess with an Elf's wine. If you want to live. [Trénal. Thranduil's advisor reform my fix Meanwhile in Mirkwood. Remember him? No?]

Trénal slipped into the throne room with a mysterious glint in his eyes. He quickly spotted his target and made a beeline for it. Thranduil's wine glass. He was going to pay.

Thranduil had made him watch Legolas the previous week when he was unusually busy with visitors from Valar knows where. In that week, he probably had gotten the world record for most curses screamed after getting drenched multiple times by freezing river water. He was done.

Trénal hurried forwards, intending on completing his task before Thranduil came back from wherever he went. He grabbed the wine glass, downed the contents, and proceeded to take the glass into the kitchens to be "misplaced".

-(~)-

Trénal promptly fled from the kitchens, and walked towards his office with a sense of smugness. That was when the frustrated scream of the king wrung out throughout the palace.

"Oops."

* * *

#27: There's two ways to follow: They never notice you. Or they only notice you.

Erestor ran through the hall as if he was pursued by Sauron himself. Actually, in a way he was. He was currently being chased by the two terrible sons of Elrond who were brandishing their weapons (a bucket of tree sap and feathers) with a clear sense of anger.

Erestor dodged a servant, mumbling an apology. This was getting out of hand. Really, really, out of hand.

He looked back to see the "Terrible Twosome" gaining on him. He did not see the wall. Needless to say, Erestor wasn't thrilled with the outcome.

* * *

#35: Always watch the watchers.

Gandalf sighed as he held out his staff and started off for the umpteenth on one of the many spells that possibly could open the door to Moria. It was a place that none of them (except possibly Gimli) wanted to go, but was the one place that they were going. Well, that and Mordor.

Boromir and Aragorn were sitting on a rock, sharpening their weapons (again), Gimli was telling stories of dwarves to Sam and Frodo, Legolas was doing well, he was leaning up against a tree that had clearly seen better days, dreading the days to come, and Merry and Pippin were fringing rocks into the bog of black water. Flinging them into the water.

A sudden sense of terror gripped Aragorn as he jumped up and grabbed Pippin's hand, preventing him to chunk another rock into the bog.

"Don't disturb the water," Aragorn's said in the calmest sense that he could muster. The hobbits looked at him with questioning gazes, thing to find some logic behaving his words.

Never the less, the hobbits stopped, and went back over to the group just as Frodo suddenly looked up and exclaimed, "It's a riddle!"

"What?" Boromirs questioned.

Gandalf smiled knowingly.

"Gandalf what is the elvish word for friend?" he asked the wizard.

"Mellon," he replied.

The doors swung open, clanging against the stone of the wall behind it.

Legolas looked up from his spot at the tree with a look of dread on his face. He wasnt going to be a happy camper.

The rest of the Fellowship grabbed their bags with a look of dread on their face, and headed into the mine.

Almost immediately after they came in, Boromir tripped on something. He returned to see what it was. It was a dwarf. WAS a dwarf. It was nothing but as skeleton now.

"Orcs!" Legolas exclaimed.

Just then! Frodo was grabbed by a tentacle of the monster that rose out of the water and out of the door.

[Pun! Pun! Pun! Pun! Pun!]

* * *

[Is it ok? Ish?]


	9. 36 & 38-39

[Sorry, these are all shorties!]

* * *

#36: If you think you're being played, you probably are.

Elrond ran into the woods after hearing an agonized scream pierce the air. The scream of Elladan.

The Lord of Imladris was, keyword was, reading a book in the outer gardens, screams the shriek rang out across the valley.

He finally came to the location where he was sure that it came from, but there was no trace of anybody there. Almost no trace. There was one snapped twig, and some disturbed leaves further away. Someone was here.

Elrond suddenly got the overwhelming feeling that he was being watched. He looked around, but saw no one.

Then he saw it. There was a net. On the ground. Directly below him. Oops.

Elrond made to move, but before he could, the net was lifted and he was left hanging upside down from a tree. However, the scene in front of him was even more alarming,. Elladan, Elrohir, and Legolas were standing in front of him with smug looks on their faces. He should have been expecting something like this.

* * *

#38: Your case, your lead.

"But what if the orcs turned and went into the cave systems? There is a rather large one that could easily accommodate their numbers if they decided to stop instead of continuing on," Glorfindel suggested to the others at the meeting.

"Are you sure? They would probably wish to continue onto their destination if they could reach it in one day, even though they would have to travel some after the sun rose," countered Erestor at his friend, both trying to out due each other in the battle of words, trying to best determine how their orcish prey they were tracking would act, and how best to ambush them.

All heads turned as the doors banged open, revealing a frightened looking messenger.

Elrond raised his elegant eyebrow in the official you-better-have-a-good-reason-for-this-so-spill look.

"The orcs have been spotted, and have stopped in the large cave system in the Misty Mountains. Shall I send a patrol?" the intimidated messenger replied.

Glorfindel cocked his head and raised his eyebrows, as if to say 'what now?'.

Elrond closed his eyes and sighed. How in the name of all things good did he end up working with these immature idiots? Nevertheless, he looked expectantly at Glorfindel, who predicted the same thing to happen, only minutes before.

Glorfindel smiled triumphantly. He was enjoying this way too much. "Yeah. Get them. Lets hunt some orc!"

* * *

#39: There's no such thing as a coincidence.

Erestor grimaced as he looked at himself at the mirror. His teeth were blue, his hair matched them, and his skin was a wires shade of orange. He had taken two hours retrying to wash the dye out, but it simply reused to come out.

Only two people would do this; Elladan and Elrohir. And they had went hunting trust this morning. Defiantly not innocent. 'Better yet,' he thought, 'they won't be back for another month.'

The twins, despite their continuous pranking, still had enough sense to leave after they pulled one that could get them into major trouble. Someday, he vowed, he would have to kill those terrible spawns of Morgoth.

* * *

[So here we are again!]


	10. 40, 42, & 44

[LANGUAGE WARNING FOR 44! THIS MIGHT NOT BE A PROBLEM, BUT I'M PARANOID!]

* * *

#40: If it seems someone's out to get you, they are.

Elrond groaned as he felt a sharp pain in his side. He groaned again as he heard the foul language of the orcs surrounding him. What the heck? Oh yes, that's it.

He had been traveling to Lothlorien at the previous day. It had started out as a normal trip, but then things got interesting. The small party had been ambushed by orcs. There were too many to fight, but they were forced to do it anyways. Glorfindel, four warriors and himself did not stand a chance against 50 orcs.

They had been captured. All were still alive, but if it was a good thing, was still to vibe determined.

So far, they had been beaten, whipped, manhandled, starved (as much as you could do in 36 hours), some including himself had been stabbed, and in Glorfindel's case shoved off a cliff.

Someone, presumably an orc, was kicking him in the side. And yelling something.

"-insolent elf!"

Kick.

"I said, wake up you insolent elf!"

Maybe it would be a good idea.

Kick.

A very good idea.

Elrond opened his eyes to be greeted by the lovely smell of fresh orc and an even lovelier one a few inches from his face shouting at him.

"Master would like to see you," he sneered as he dragged the groggy elf to his feet.

They walked down a corridor, and turned to go down another one. Three more turns and they were there. The orc unceremoniously shoved Elrond to the ground.

He looked up and saw a black robed figure turn towards him.

"Hello Elrond! Remember me?"

Oh crap.

* * *

#42: Don't ever accept an apology from an orc.

"For killing your wife."

That was a phrase he had never, EVER, expected to hear. Hear from none other than an orc! An orc!

"Really, I am!" the orc insisted.

Needless to say, the orc was promptly relieved of its head. Elrond was looking smug.

* * *

#44: First things first, hide the women and children. [Ok remember Kelsil? Yeah. Leggy's OC sister. Meanwhile in Mirkwood.]

The streets surrounding Mirkwood's palace were in an uproar. Their orders? Ellith and elflings to the caves.

There was a massive host of orcs approaching, and nobody was going to risk civilian lives.

Kelsil Thranduiliel stormed through the place halls and shoved open the doors to the throne room, causing them to hit the wall, bounce off, and close back.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she demanded, leaving the question open for answer for any of the five people in the room.

Thranduil, Legolas, Brinduíl, Trénal, and Tauriel looked up from the map of defenses.

"Uhhh-" Legolas managed to stutter.

"You're making me hide like an elfling when I can kill orcs faster and more efficiently than most of you here, not to mention the whole Guard!"

Everyone continued to stare.

"Tauriel! You're female! Why the hell are you here?!"

Thranduil was first to recover from his daughter's outburst. "You will not speak of Marchwarden Tauriel in such a way!"

"MY POINT!" Kelsil yelled back.

"Wait. What?" Legolas inquired.

Kelsil redirected her gaze (furious glare) and advanced on her brother menacingly.

Ok, there are some exceptions to this one.

* * *

[Last chapters the last :(.]


	11. 45, 51, & 69

#45: Clean up your mess.

Elladan sighed as he dropped the buckets and baskets of cleaning supplies to the floor. His task? To clean the hall of fire and not make any more messes.

A mess was why he was here in the first place. Elrohir had told him that he needed to cook dinner, Elrond's orders. So he had...attempted to. He first ended up leaving the potatoes in the oven too long. When he was checking on them, the bread and chicken caught on fire and that just led to a whole new string on incidents.

Elladan eyed the supplies like they were going to attack him. He warily reached out and selected a duster, assuming that that would be easiest. He stared suspiciously at the pile as he walked over to the corner he selected to be his starting point.

"Ok, so here we go..." he said to himself as he startDuds dusting.

After finishing half of the *vertical* wall, he wears a sudden commotion outside in the hallway. Elladan turned to see what was going on as Elrohir ran slammed open the door and ran through the room, right into the buckets of water and piles of cleaning supplies.

Elladan watched in horror as his brother tripped and spill the water everywhere.

'Sweet Valar, it will take ages to clean all of this up!' he whailed to himself.

"Wait a minute..." he though out loud. "Rule 45..."

"YES!" he exclaimed as he raced out of the room, leaving a stunned Elrohir behind. This wasn't his problem!

* * *

#51: Sometimes you're wrong.

"No, Elladan," Lindir stated, staring at the two identical eves sitting in front of him at his desk. "You're wrong."

"You're wrong." Elrohir echoed.

"I just said that!" exclaimed an exasperated Lindir.

"No, YOU'RE wrong." stated Elladan.

"Pray tell."

"I'M Elladan..." started Elrohir.

"...and I'm Elrohir." finished Elladan.

Lindir had been addressing them wrong the whole time.

* * *

#69: Never trust a Sinda who doesn't trust a Noldo.

Elrond resisted the urge to rip the letter he was holding in half and scream. Only five people could get him like this. Elladan, Elrohir, Erestor, Glorfindel, and Thranduil. At the current time, it was the last one.

Sometimes he doubted his friend's sanity and wanted to rip his head of from it, but he generally wouldn't get to that point. Generally wouldn't.

Glorfindel looked over at Elrond with an utterly infuriating face that was completely calm, with a hint of amusement, one side of his mouth smirking, and an eyebrow raised. Utterly infuriating.

"Why?! Why me!" he gave up trying not to shout. At this point, Glorfindel lost his calm mask and doubled over in laughter.

There was a reason for it. Never trust a Sinda who doesn't trust a Noldo. This was a prime example.

-(~)-

Thranduil banged his head on his desk, not caring in the slightest how much of an idiot he looked like. He began to reread the letter in front of him.

'Why was he even friends with the maniac?'

Thranduil continued to bang his head on the desk grumbling something along the lines of, "Never trust a Noldo who doesn't trust a Sinda."

"What?!" the confused advisor he was with asked.

"69," the Elvenking replied. Sometimes he had serious doubts of his Lord's sanity. This was one of those momenets.

* * *

[And that's the end.]


End file.
